Guilt

I shouldn’t feel guilt

You wouldn’t want me to feel guilt

You had said that you want me to be happy

And I am happy

But I didn’t think that I would be

I didn’t want to be

Because every moment of happiness tastes bitter with the lingering of promises I didn’t keep

The poison of every “I love you” that no longer has any meaning

Were my words shallow?

Was I a temptress and a seductress that lured you in only to leave you broken and alone? 

A victim to my siren song?

How can I be happy when I wished so much to be happy with you?

How can I bear to see myself succeed if when I look back I see you standing there where I left you.

Am I a liar?

I begged you not to fall in love with me

I told you I would break your heart

And I did

But only after you broke mine

I will let myself be happy

I will learn and I will grow

I will allow myself to become the person that you wished me to be

Not for the sake of revenge

But because I am a flower and you were the shade

And I have be transplanted into the light of the Son